My thoughts go a million miles an hour when covering the topic of self-worth and insecurity, and I really could cover it forever. So, this will have to be the part one, but this was all so heavy on my heart tonight.
Previously mentioned, I have been extremely heartbroken twice. With both of them, you could see the love fleeting from their eyes yet their words, and even actions, said something different. We feel this emotion through a lot of experiences: heartbreak, getting fired from a job, gaining unhealthy weight, debt, developing an illness, etc. A topic that’s worthy to be discussed when any of the topics mentioned above occurs, is what happens to your sense of self-worth.
When someone or something you love/trust/etc. wrongs you, your sense of self is shaken.
How can it not be? Everything you thought you knew and loved has betrayed you so how can you even trust yourself or your actions/decision making now?
For a time, it can feel like it was your fault. You can feel like you could have done something better. Most of us end up blaming ourselves. You cannot have the self-blame mentality and when I recognized it was happening, I tried to get out as quickly as possible.
When you are weak with a lower level of self-worth, you seek the love you’re lacking from toxic sources: food overindulgence (ie comfort eating), seeking the attention of men/women, throwing yourself into work. The feeling you get from carbs, flattery or a promotion or pray raise is not love.
You will never find love you are lacking this way.
This, for me, is when my faith kicks in.
We look to the world to patch up wounds, when we need to just offer it to God. You have to remove the focus on yourself and your feelings of rejection/blame/anger/etc and put the focus on the love of God.
You search for your identity and purpose in being a girlfriend, making money, etc.
Your identity is in Christ.
When I first went to college, I fell into the party scene and had gone from a naïve 17 year old to an 18 year old party girl VERY quickly. I went to church over Christmas break after my very first semester and I talked to priest at my church to confess my sins.
I told him in this new life, I was having an identity crisis. First, he reassured me that my sins were a “2 on the spectrum” and the fact I recognized them as wrong was a start regardless. Second, he told me that my identity has been and always will be as a child of God. What a simple concept, but that never left me.
After my two heartbreaks, I have experienced low moments of doubt wondering if I am even actually lovable if I have seen such constant rejection. That’s when I have to give it to the Lord to remember I am loved by Him.
Once you recognize and remind yourself that God loves you, you will genuinely love yourself. And when you fall (as I often do), if you turn to Him, He will remind you again and again that you are loved and He will welcome you back into His embrace.
This simple, yet super important shift of perspective has changed my life, my self-worth and my confidence for the better. No one, or job, or level of success, etc. can determine your self-worth besides God.
I will leave you all with these bible verses to reflect on when you forget who the frick you are:
ROMANS 12: 2
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
PSALM 139: 13-14
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.
And here are a few bonus verses for when you are feeling anxious/lost and may need to reground and understand the trust you have to have on the Lord:
ISAIAH 41: 10
Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
ROMANS 8: 32-39
He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?
As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.
Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Thank you for reading and I hope this helped even one person beside myself.